The Hump I Just Got Over

And I'm not talking about a llama.

So I've been having trouble for a few weeks, trouble staying on track and sticking to the plan, tired, unmotivated, and fighting through the above.  I didn't really know why.  I tried to pin it on the winter blues and while that was part of it, it wasn't all of it.  I have a couple other things going on that just did not work together.

I planned on applying to grad school this year and felt the deadlines bearing down on me pretty hard and fast.  I got about half the work done for applying and then stalled. 

And here's something I hesitate to "blog out loud" but we have been trying to start a family for a few years and I just started going to the doctor about it in October.  I'm kind of private and so not comfortable sharing the details but I will say it's my body that is not cooperating, not his. 

So that is where my heart is right now, not focused on getting my masters which is something I would like to accomplish eventually, but focused instead on the baby stuff, which is the most important right now.  Grad school can wait, baby stuff has a chronological deadline.  This past week I let the application date pass for grad school and felt a huge weight lift itself off my shoulders.  I think if I'd applied and planned to start going to school in the fall, that would be like saying I didn't think things would work; like I didn't think we would be able to expand our happy little family of two into three.

So there it is.  I don't plan to blog about it again but I felt like I needed to just spit it out if I'm going to keep it real.