And I'm not talking about a llama.
So I've been having trouble for a few weeks, trouble staying on track and sticking to the plan, tired, unmotivated, and fighting through the above. I didn't really know why. I tried to pin it on the winter blues and while that was part of it, it wasn't all of it. I have a couple other things going on that just did not work together.
I planned on applying to grad school this year and felt the deadlines bearing down on me pretty hard and fast. I got about half the work done for applying and then stalled.
And here's something I hesitate to "blog out loud" but we have been trying to start a family for a few years and I just started going to the doctor about it in October. I'm kind of private and so not comfortable sharing the details but I will say it's my body that is not cooperating, not his.
So that is where my heart is right now, not focused on getting my masters which is something I would like to accomplish eventually, but focused instead on the baby stuff, which is the most important right now. Grad school can wait, baby stuff has a chronological deadline. This past week I let the application date pass for grad school and felt a huge weight lift itself off my shoulders. I think if I'd applied and planned to start going to school in the fall, that would be like saying I didn't think things would work; like I didn't think we would be able to expand our happy little family of two into three.
So there it is. I don't plan to blog about it again but I felt like I needed to just spit it out if I'm going to keep it real.