Can Anyone Help Me?

Debatable, I know. But hold the jokes, please, this is serious!

I cannot open my oatmeal. Yes, I am able to tie my shoe laces, I have a drivers license, and I hold down a job. But I can’t open my oatmeal!

I’ve always bought the Quaker brand of steel cut oats and coveted the more expense John McCann's Steelcut Irish Oatmeal in the neato retro can. I thought about uses for the can after the oatmeal was gone. I could keep a homemade spice mix in it. I could keep tea in it. I could use it for something I buy in the bulk section of the grocery store, like dried dill. In the summer when the cucumber section of our garden goes crazy I go through ALOT of dill… dill, chopped fresh cukes, garlic salt and plain yogurt. Yum. I also buy quinoa and almonds and random new-to-me grains in the bulk section. It would be perfect cute storage for any of them!

But I can’t get the damn can open! I thought maybe the top popped off somehow. I couldn’t seem to make that happen. Tried and tried and tried, getting more frustrated until finally I said screw it, and got out the can opener. So by this time the can was ruined, I wouldn’t be able to recycle it into some fun kitchen use which was my ORIGINAL intention. It became a battle between me and the oatmeal can. The can opener didn’t work. Maybe I needed to use it at a different angle? Tried that. Still no dice and now the can is looking pretty bad. But it’s still winning! Help! I am THIS close to taking a hacksaw to it just to get it done. Inelegant? Yes. Effective? Likely.

Can anyone tell me how to open my freaking oatmeal??!